This is not the life I planned on having. Nineteen years ago when I was preparing to graduate from high school I had a plan for my life and it didn’t include still living in Utah, being a stay-at-home mom or living paycheck to paycheck. It certainly didn’t include a son with Autism. What I’ve learned in the years since then is that it’s good to dream, but sometimes the reality, despite the obstacles you have to overcome, is even more rewarding then your dreams can ever be.
Despite it being a gorgeous place, I’m not a fan of Utah overall. It’s an important thing to know about me. I’m a liberal in a very conservative state. Not only do I not belong to the prominent religion (LDS) which is pretty much considered a sin in this state, I married a LDS return missionary and according to his mother at least, brought him over to the dark side. It doesn’t seem to matter that he wasn’t active before we met or that I was seriously considering joining until she and several members of my husband’s family were so rude about it, I am to blame. The other thing about Utah I don’t like — snow. In my perfect world it would snow on December 24th, melt on December 26th and never snow except in the mountains the rest of the time. I’m definitely living in the wrong state for that!
The reason we stay in Utah, besides not having the money or jobs to move, is that our families are here. I’m not sure if Dale (the husband unit) could handle leaving his parents and siblings, but as someone who did move away for three months and had a hard time, I’m not sure I could move too far away. My parents are still a huge support to me and I actually talk to my mother on the phone on average five times a week. This support is important for a lot of reasons, but the most important is that my son is Autistic and my parents are the only ones capable of taking care of him when I cannot. This is improving, but it’s still a struggle I face every day.
Autism sucks. That’s something you’ll be hearing a lot about if you read my blog. The thing is, it’s also a gift that has shown me an entirely different world I never knew existed. Every day with my son is a lesson in patience and different perspectives. As difficult as it’s been, I wouldn’t change my son for anything. The struggles we’ve faced and the ones still to come are worth it because I can see the amazing person he’s becoming and I truly believe he will be a huge benefit to the world once he finds his correct path. He certainly won’t be the outgoing person who is the life of the party, but he is brilliant enough that he could have a huge impact on all of our lives one day. I know he’s already had a huge impact on mine.
I think that’s enough about me for now. I’m hoping this will become a place for all parts of me, good and bad. Not only a place to vent about my life, but also a place to celebrate who I am and what’s going on in my world. No matter what, I want this to be a place about my life as it is.
